Sunday, 10 January 2016

QQ : NUMBER FORTY SIX - JANUARY 10, 2016

                   THEY COULD HAVE BEEN CONTENDERS:

Eleven Republican presidential contenders.  In case any of them don't make it all the way  to "1600"  - no worries.
Here is a list of reasonable facsimile, presidential jobs for each of them.


1.  DONALD TRUMP: President of the United States of PIGS - that is -
Portugal-Ireland-Greece-Spain.

Famous campaign Statements:

"I'll send all those Portuguese rapists back to where they came from......Mexico".
"Then I'll build a wall around PIGS, paid for by the sale of Irish Mosques".
 "I'll make Sparta huge, really 'Huge and Great' again and defeat Athens in partnership with my new, bosom buddy,  Vlad,  the Tootin''- Shootin'- Putin".

Campaign slogan: "Free the Bacon".


2.  TED CRUZ:
President  of Persia.

Famous Campaign Statements:

"We'll carpet bomb ISIS". "After all we make the worlds finest carpets here in Persia".

Campaign slogan: "Trump's got a rug.....I got carpets".



3. BEN CARSON:
President  of Oz

Famous Campaign Statements:

"We're not in Kansas anymore". "Someone wake me up when we're over the rainbow".

Campaign slogan:  "It's not brain surgery".


4.  JEB!  President  of Tijuana.

Famous Campaign Statements:

"Some of my best friends are Mexican". "Take my wife........"
"W is the smart one"

Campaign slogan: "Jed-i". 
 

5.  CHRIS CHRISTIE: President  of the Republic of Puerto Rico.

"Bridge, who needs a bridge"? "Hugs,I'll give you hugs, even Obama if I have to".

Campaign slogan: "I protected Puerto Rico from  9/11, I'll keep it safe from ISIS".


6.  MARCO RUBIO:
President of Chipotle.

Famous Campaign Statements:

"Chipotle is the model for how I will destroy ISIS". "Selective decimation using tortillas as the ultimate WMD".
"Who needs Obamacare?   At Chipotle ...we take care of our own."

Campaign slogan: "I was a poor black sharecropper in Cuba". "Look at me now".


7.  CARLY FIORINA: President of Libya.

Famous Campaign Statements:

"Little Italy will be born again in the former Italian colony of Benghazi" "Revolutionary HP technology will print pasta for all, so the layoffs of unnecessary employees will be mitigated".
"What's wrong with my face"? "I had to get time off from 101 Dalmatians to do this".
"Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom". "Might take me a minute".

Campaign slogan:  "Laying off 30,000 people is just the beginning".
"You're gonna get laid (off)".


8.  MIKE HUCKABEE:
President  of Jerusalem

Famous Campaign Statements:

"The end times are here". "You're all going to hell". (Bass players excluded).
"I'm the decider". "I have a direct line to God and he told me so". "You're all a bunch of fornicators and it's time I banned fornication for good". "I'm the anti-fornicators in chief"

Campaign slogan: "Jesus had a permit to carry". "So should you".


9.  JOHN KASICH:
President  of Disneyland

Famous Campaign Statements:

 "Disneyland is the happiest place on earth and I intend to keep it that way".
"There are no poor people, no sick people, and no troubled people in my Disneyland".
"We will bring Dis-mocracy to the Middle East and ISIS will embrace Mickey Mouse as their savior". "Peace will prevail".

Campaign slogan: "It's a small world.  Yes it is."


10.  RAND PAUL:
President  of The Democratic Republic of the Congo

Famous Campaign Statements:

"Now here's a nation I can get my teeth into". "Here we have the ultimate example of freedom from big government". "In fact it's freedom from any government". "Free enterprise at its finest".
"Let freedom reign". "Ayn Rand would have loved this place". "Only the strongest survive, or eat or have medical care or human rights of any kind". "My kinda place".

Campaign slogan: "Live and let live". "Eat or be eaten".


11.  RICK SANTORUM: 
  President of Las Vegas.


Famous Campaign Statements:

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". "Sodom and Gomorrah were nothing compared to this place"."You think I'm just gonna turn you all into pillars of salt"? That was nothin'". "Watch me you sinners". "I'll nuke the place and any other place that kills babies, and defies the second amendment".
"God gave me rights and wrote them into the constitution...., personally".
"Fear me and fear god because together we'll bring down ultimate retribution for all you sinners".

Campaign slogan: "I'm a happy -go -lucky guy". "Watch me take it to the next level... Defcon 5."




www.johncapek.com

Etched on my stone tablet.

Edited by Batsheva

Friday, 30 October 2015


QQ : NUMBER FORTY FIVE  - OCTOBER 30, 2015

THE NO INFOMERCIAL

The amount of real information available to us is minuscule. The news media are vehicles of entertainment to keep us amused. The debates......polit-tainment TV fodder.

Bob Woodward recently asked Al Gore, the former vice president how much of what went on in the White House “was of interest of consequence” that is now generally known.

ANSWER: "1 percent.”

Gore's answer is not specific to any particular administration. It is a truth across the board.
We don't know shit about 99% of what is really going on. That probability of ignorance has deep meaning. It is similar in significance to the 99% - 1% economic divide.

THINGS I'D LIKE TO KNOW:


QQ 1: ISOL-OIL THE NEXT NAME BRAND AT YOUR LOCAL GAS STATION.

A recent Financial Times featured article reported that ISIS is freely, expansively and aggressively functioning in the world oil economy. Thousands of trucks each carrying $10,000 worth of oil wait in line for days by the Syrian oil fields to fill up, deliver sell and return for more. They do this under the eyes of the two biggest military powers in the history of the world.
Who is protecting them? How much is the reduced price of gasoline based on the ISIS discount? Why?

QQ 2: MAINLINE

What's the real deal with the Afghanistan poppy industry?
To what extent are we supporting and benefitting that industry at the cost of life and liberty?
It has been reported that poppy growth is at an all time high.
Is this the 20 year war in support of drugs. Who are the beneficiaries?

QQ 3: A TWO STATE DISSOLUTION

What is Bibi Netanyahu's end game? The status quo cannot endure. He must have a plan.
What the hell is it? Playing war games like a recovering drug addict 'one day at a time' is not a strategy. Or, perhaps it is.

QQ 4: NUKE-EM

It is not possible that Iran, a sophisticated, educated, scientific entity - and after 50 years of development, has not built a nuclear weapon. Of course they have. Tunneling is perhaps one of the most primitive and effective tools of war. We do not have the bunker-busting weapons to destroy their nuclear infrastructure and if we did, the devastation would be world shattering.

What is the real story?

QQ 5: FIBER OPTICS? FUCK FIBER.

Technology is useless. Or, at least in the manner with which we have misused our breakthrough discoveries. We have not cured starvation, illiteracy, malaria, ebola, cancer or even the common cold. We have made the planet a trash heap, destroyed the climate and perfected weapons of mass destruction a thousand times over. Volkswagen, how many people did you kill today with your sophisticated technology?

Technology is neutral. It is not inherently good. Using the tools of contemporary technology where is the timeless, anthemic art created that will last for eternity?
Is there, or has there been a digital Bach, Rembrandt, Shakespeare or Michelangelo?.

Why are we so invested in useless destructive technology? WTF, LOL. Text me an answer on your 150 year old QUERTY keyboard. Why do we care?

QQ 6: BIG BROTHER

The NSA and similar entities in this country and others continue functioning in the digital wasteland. Homeland Security does not secure the homeland when our schools, movie theaters and sporting events cannot be protected. There is a disconnect. There clearly must be an unknown agenda, or one which I clearly do not understand.

Why are they watching us? It's not working for us.

QQ 7: THE COCK BRO AGENDA

The Koch Brothers are business men. I can't accept that they are dogmatic idealists. They must know that, historically, the slaves, the underclass, the poor and the oppressed always revolt. Social unrest and civil war cannot be good for business.

That being the case, what is the actual, real-world agenda of these sibling oligarchs?

"Less Government" is a catch phrase or slogan that resonates with the ignorant and the idealist. Unless, of course, we make all roads toll roads; hire a mercenary military; privatize all education and eliminate all social protections and structures. With the 'cock agenda' we would eliminate pollution controls, health laws, safety laws, Social Security, Medicare, Welfare, Food Stamps and the rest.

What's the Koch plan when they gain control and become the Washington puppeteers?

Or perhaps they already are.

QQ 8: BIG PHARMA

Tetracycline, $1000 a bottle at you local pharmacy. Really?
It's broken. Or is it a Koch thing? Ben Carson has the answer.

QQ 9: PUTIN IN THE RITZ.

Of course he would like to recapture and rebuild the Soviet Empire. Why not? Who's gonna stop him? Crimea is his Sudetenland. Estonia, Latvia, the rest of Ukraine are next on the list.
Do we have a strategy to stop this megalomaniac and his oligarch supporters?
Are the Koch Bro's and President Trump gonna Nuke the Kremlin? Oligarch versus oligarch.
Bring on the good Doctor Strangelove.

QQ 10: THE JOBS DILEMMA

There are no "middle class" jobs. We decimated the middle class by destroying the union movement.

The union movement brought us protection from exploitation. This regression has an ultimate negative outcome. That outcome is a problem.

Does Bernie Sanders have a solution? Or perhaps we should look to Larry David.
I think he may have the answer. (to everything).

I think I'll vote for Larry as a write-in at the next election.


Etched on my stone tablet

Edited by Batsheva

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

QQ : NUMBER FORTY FOUR - OCTOBER 6, 2015




THE MORAL QUOTIENT


Who holds the moral high ground?

There are a multitude of claimants including the Pope, the Ayatollah, ISIS, Mike Huckabee and Roger Waters.

Speaking to God and getting an answer could be a symptom of delusional thinking.  
Getting the answer on a golden tablet or a scroll could be the result of ingesting too many drugs, or it could be a true miracle. Or the mortal conversant could just be a clinical narcissist.

I’m not currently getting a clear response from God on this question.  Her internet may be down.  Reception is not good in Missouri.


QQ 1: AMERICA

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a re-dress of grievances”.

This thing is so full of holes it is a sieve. It is badly written and confuses "rights" with admonitions to lawmakers. No wonder the SCOTUS is confused.

Scientology declares itself a religion and reaps billions in tax benefits.
The right to peaceably assemble is contra-indicated by the militarizing of local police. Courts are accessible, but generally only to the wealthy.  Same with justice.
In addition, "corporations" are now "people",  protected by that disastrously written paragraph.

I hereby establish The Church of QAPEK. Contributions are welcome.

I give the first amendment a 1/10 on the MORALITY HYPOCRISY SCALE.

QQ 2: THE (RAW) IRAN DEAL

The Republican Majority, AIPAC and a number of Jewish Federations suggest we should reject the deal on "moral grounds".

The suggestion is that the entity known as IRAN is inherently evil and inherently immoral, in totality, for all eternity.

Reflecting on her experience in Auschwitz, my mother suggested to me that there were three levels of evil in order:
#3 most evil were the German SS
#2 most evil were the Ukrainian guards
#1 and by far the worst were the Jewish Kapos who made life and death decisions based on their own self-interest and survival.

There is no such thing as inherent, total evil.

I give conservatives' rejection of the Iran deal a 2/10 in MORAL HYPOCRISY.

QQ 3: GOOGLE ......"You can make money without doing evil".

Google survives on "content" and the distorted concept of the "democracy of the internet". Google does not pay for the content that allows it to survive. Google is a thief of the highest order.

I give Google a 3/10 on the MORAL HYPOCRISY SCALE.

QQ 4:. FREUD AND SCHADENFREUDE

We have slaughter in Syria, ethnic cleansing in Africa, starvation in Darfur, the greatest refugee crisis since the Second World War, child poverty in the richest country in the history of the world and the subjugation and incarceration of millions of African-Americans in the US Prison-Industrial-Complex.

What do the activists both left and right focus on?  What do we prioritize? On what basis are we prepared to shut down government?

It's the politics of sex.

From the Supreme Leader to the US Congress. From the Pope to a small town clerk.
They all want to get into our pants as their top priority.

Leave sex to the sexual. Get married already, I really don't care. I'll be wearing my gownless evening strap.

Government stay out of the womb and just for the hell of it, give a Saudi housewife her driver's licence and let her out of the tent.

Beyond that the Caitlin Jenner thing makes me want to barf. WTF. Does his constant presence in my face reflect the true meaning of the first amendment?
He has a penis last time I checked. (Not personally).

At the risk of committing the ultimate, politically-incorrect faux pas, may I suggest that there may be larger, more important issues.

I give this noisy, Freudian agenda a MORAL QUOTIENT of 4/10 in hypocrisy.

QQ 5:. THE EXPECTATION AND REQUIREMENT THAT OUR ARTISTIC ICONS BE "GOOD".

I have no idea if Johann Sebastian Bach was a good man. He had two wives and bore 20 children. We can surmise that he was busy. We cannot judge his goodness.
He created perhaps the greatest musical beauty in the history of man. How shall we judge him in historical retrospect?

Who was Shakespeare? Was there such a person? Was he good?

Pablo Picasso was a prick who treated women as disposable possessions.
He was a fabulous painter who changed our perception of visual art for all eternity.
He could be regarded as a bad man. How shall we judge his art?

I give our moral expectations regarding our artistic icons a 5/10 in MORAL HYPOCRISY.

QQ 6: HIP-HOP AS A CULTURE

What can one say about Kanye West, Dr Dre, other 'rap physicians',  Biggie Small, M&M and Drake that hasn't already been said.

The tradition of poetry spoken to rhythm and music is long established. That is not the problem. Perhaps the problem is the wacky first amendment thing.

Bitches ain’t sh*t but hoes and tricks / Lick on these nuts and suck the d*ck.” – Snoop Dogg

Once again I gotta punch a bitch in her sh*t / I’m icy bitch, don’t look at my wrist / Because if you do, I might blind you bitch.” – Jasper Dolphin of Odd Future

I know she like chocolate men / She got more n*ggas off than Cochran.” – Kanye West

You ain’t no better because you don’t be f*cking rappers / You only f*ck with actors / You’re still getting f*cked backwards” – Jay

Slut, you think I won’t choke no whore / Til the vocal cords don’t work in her throat no
You ain’t gonna let me f*ck you and I feel you / But you gone suck my d*ck, or I’ll kill you.” – Chief Keef


If art is a reflection of the zeitgeist, then the zeitgeist is in very, very, very poor shape.

Hiphop 'culture' gets a 6/10 on my MORAL HYPOCRISY SCALE.

QQ 7: SAUDI ARABIA and THE EMIRATES

In a previous paragraph, I suggested that there is no such thing as inherent, absolute evil. I would now like to amend that statement. 

Evil exists. It is Saudi Arabia. If ever there was an evil empire, then this has got to be it... closely followed by the Emirates. Apparently, the pronouncements of the Saudi Potentate is the expression of God's will.

Slave labor, misogynist, corrupt, criminal, feudal, fundamentally evil in all aspects.
Cut off my hand to spite my face.

A 7/10 on the MORALITY QUOTIENT.

QQ 8: MONSANTO

Patents on seeds. Really? They have a copyright on my carrot? A patent on my potato? A claim on my cabbage?
The absolute peak of evil, the end of the world as we know it.
You own the copyright of seeds?
State of the art bullshit.

Monsanto gets an 8/10 on the MORALITY SCALE.

QQ 9: EVANGELISM

There are many "isms",  but the 'evangel' wins first prize for moral hypocrisy.
The word has a benign, Greek root referring to "good news".  If only that were so.
A more common usage is related to a presentation of the "gospel" as an unquestionable truth.

That is when evangelism, as a presentation of unquestionable truth, the divine truth as expressed by the Ayatollahs of Islam of any variety, Mike Huckabee, and Kim Jong-Il reach a peak of moral insanity.

I'm reminded of the image of Henry Kissinger, kneeling down to pray with Richard Nixon one particularly boozy evening in the Oval Office. I think Bubba Clinton made a much better use of that space...if somewhat less evangelical.

A 9/10 in MORAL OUTRAGE.

QQ 10: THE GLOBAL WARMING 'DEBATE'

Who are some of the largest, per-capita polluters in the world? 
Benign”  Australia and Canada.

According to the "I-am-not-a-scientist" experts, the  polar bears are just fine;  California, not unlike adolescents,  is going through a ‘phase’; and BP is a person.

The Global Warming deniers get a 10/10 on the MORAL HYPOCRISY SCALE.

QQ 11: ALGORITHMS AND ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

The machines have taken over. Drones, drone on as programmed assassins based on computer game technology, the Googles select our participation grid, the TV reflects algorithmic choices at us and we are followed, pursued, categorized, and spied on from birth through death and beyond.

Freedom’s just another word for everything left to lose.
It's 1984 all over again.

It's beyond an 11/10 in MORAL DEGRADATION. God is dead. The Algorithms have taken her place. A.I. has nailed us to a cross.

QQ 12: GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE

Really?

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

QQ : NUMBER FORTY THREE - APRIL 21, 2015

HUMOR, IT'S ALL IN THE TIMING. IN TENNESSEE IT'S 1873

It's been an age since my last Quotient.  I couldn't find anything funny in the zeitgeist. I found no humor around me as life unfolded. But now all is changed and the great Volunteer State has come to the rescue. We are actually a very funny bunch.

Tennessee has its priorities right. The legislature has chosen to blithely ignore the very essence of human compassion, and is setting its agenda accordingly.

QQ 1: SAINT JAMES OR MOSES?  WE JUST CAN'T DECIDE


The great state of Tennessee's official bird is the "Mocking".
The state dance is "Square" .
And the state drink is "Milk".
I'm not making this up.

The discussion concerning designating the "Bible" as Tennessee's state book (and we are never sure which particular biblical text) has been a legislative priority. That priority has been taking up considerable time, taxpayer's money and resources...in a state where one  in every four children lives in poverty.

Children don't vote. 

It's all in The Book, but which one?

QQ 2: WHERE ON EARTH CAN I PARK MY GUN?

One in eight adult Tennesseans kant reed.
That's why the state government has made the issue of guns being allowed in parks a legislative priority. Can't you see the connexshun?  
We can now also legally pack our favorite military automatic weapon in the trunks of our cars...in the office parking lot, while we're at work. Now that's your government working for you.

Maybe that second amendment would pack even more punch if the one in eight illiterates in the state could read it, and understand its subsequent misinterpretation.  Whaaaatt? The NRA could probably  increase its membership if only their constituents could read their flyers.

On that basis I propose that the NRA take on the issue of literacy and child poverty.

QQ 3: KEEP 'EM BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT


The Sharia people have it right. Random virginity testing is a concept every Tennessee legislator could only dream of.... as long as they can perform the test themselves. For the moment, our beloved government representatives are determined to mess with; the rulings of SCOTUS; the private relationship between a woman and her doctor;  and the rights of a woman to the integrity of her own body.  Determined, I tell you.

Gotta control those uppity women. Unless of course, one of our beloved legislators knocks up his mistress. That we can do.

Gynecology for all... in  the legislature. Just another, well-considered priority brought to you by your state representatives to improve the quality of life for all Tennesseans. Now and forever. Amen.

QQ 4: DECLARE THE WORD "OBAMACARE" TO BE THE STATE CURSE-WORD.

Lawmakers are just fine with their state-paid, health insurance. That's the kind of socialism they believe in. It's the poor, illiterate bastards on the other side of the Cumberland River that don't deserve it. 'Insure Tennessee' is way too close to the "O" word to be even uttered.

Natural selection is a natural process. Let the undesirables get sick and die. For the few who can access an emergency room, the added, monumental costs are a small price to pay for not having to soil themselves with the offensive "O" program. Keep that Muslim Socialist Kenyan away from my Healthcare. We need to keep the great State of Tennessee at #38 on the US Health Index. Thirty-eight is a good number.  Mine's locked and loaded.

We need to bring our country back.  Destroying  any possibility of health insurance for the poor and disadvantaged is the greatest first step that we can take. We know our priorities and with this issue, we are prepared to exercise them...to the death.

QQ 5: EDJAMACATION, COMMON CORE AND THE CHARTER-BIZ

Tennessee ranks #41 out of 50 states in education. That would make the discussion about it a much more important issue than actually solving the problem.  Assuming there is a problem. Maybe there is no problem. Just because  education can be shown to have a positive effect on economic growth and society's well-being should not interfere with talking...and talking, and talking. Let's just keep talking, rather than actually educate. We can leave that to the next generation. Civil unrest, crime and poverty will  keep the police employed and busy; the food banks running and the legislators moving their mouths up and down while making educational-sounding noise about math and science scores.

Common core is a common bore,  when kids don't eat.

QQ 6: PUBIC TRANSFORMATION, PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION


Let the marketplace set the agenda. Isn't that the Reagan way?
De-regulate, and all will be well.
The caveat is that we are letting our legislators regulate our moral lives based on their fundamentalist, Sharia-version of Christianity.
The End Times are near.
You Will Be judged by Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin: Hell's adjudicators.
Reagonomics is the ‘precursor’ to the  Second Coming.
Ayn Rand is the ‘curser’.

However, when it comes to getting a bus line to transport the car-less  from East Nashville to the Emerald City of Belle Meade--no, no. That we can't have.
Legislators successfully divided the city with the interstate years ago. They need to keep us separated by de-legislating any possibility of a viable, public transportation system. We just don't have the funds. 
We certainly won't accept money from the dreaded "O" person.

QQ 7. THE MORALITY CLAUSE, THE SANTA CLAUS AND THE CAT'S CLAWS.

Marijuana is almost as dirty a word as the "O" word.
Pot is Tennessee's illegal still of the 21st century.
The Penitentiary-Industrial-Complex needs feeding,  and if we can't fill those jails with axe murderers, we'll fill'em with  pot-heads. They'll do. It's a morality thing. In Tennessee, we look inward. The fact that the entire state of Colorado has not been subject to the same fate as Sodom and Gomorrah is just a matter of time.

The fact that prostitution is absolutely legal in Australia and semi-legal in the 51st state, Canada, just points to their moral decay. They will meet their Maker if not in Heaven, then at least in Tennessee.

QQ 8: SIDEWALKS, SIDELINES AND SIDEARMS.......UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

Where exactly is a woman supposed to answer the call of nature in our extensive greenways, particularly in the fall and spring when there's no place to hide?

Why are there no sidewalks in Nashville neighborhoods?

Who in their right mind rides a bike on our ditch-sided roadways?

What is an electronic cigarette?

Why do country music singers wear funny hats?

What makes Rascal Flatts country?

Why is Jack White?

Where can you get a decent veal Wiener Schnitzel within 500 miles of Nashville?

QQ 9: IT'S A LOST CAUSE

When Gov. Haslam is considered too liberal
When Music Row becomes a condo paradise
When Loretta Lynn, Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson have left no heritage of songcraft.
When you can't buy a bottle of wine on the Lord's Day (which Lord?)
When Nashville considers itself to be a food city.....you gotta be kidding me.
No soup for you!

QQ 10: SO WHY NASHVILLE?  OR GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU PINKO JEW!


I love it for:

The tornados
The ice
The humidity
Bro Country
The exciting nightlife in Bellevue
The allergies
That thing they call a newspaper, The Tennessean.

But also on a slightly more positive note:

The Frist
The Blair School of Music
The Time Jumpers
Spring Blossoms
Second Harvest Food Bank
Avi Poster and Tom Negri
Scene magazine
The downtown Art Crawl
The Bluebird, if they ever will respond to my emails
The Warner Park system
The amazing Nashville musicians who are engaged in Custer's last stand for the music industry


But hey, it's Music City.
Just don't smoke in a Broadway bar. 
You might get shot.

JC

Etched on my stone tablet
with editing by Batsheva